Tuesday, March 25, 2008
testes...testes... is this thing on?Editor’s note: Spelling mistakes in this blog are intentional as the author was too fucking lazy to check his work. Just be glad he got off his ass and blogged. I said BE GLAD. You’re not very glad...I can feel it. bastards.
I’m really not sure what is scarier, the fact that I haven’t blogged or the fact that people are still subscribing to this thing. stop stalking me....stooooop
So where should I begin? Where should I start? Fuck you Maria... I’ll start where I want to. Bitch always wants to start at the "very beginning" well I don’t want to so I ain’t gonna.
It all started 31 years ago around 1:49 am when I came flying out of my mother’s big gaping, grand canyon like, black hole mawl of a va-jay-jay. ....wait... fuck. shit. cockadooody
DAMN HER! Maria you will rule the day!!
So, where was I? Oh yes........ and that’s how I am doing.
Glad I got that out of the way.
People I am cursed. No not like Sara Jessica Parker and her horse face.....but cursed in Dating. Yes, DATING, my old arch nemisis. Oh how I despise you and the freaks you deliver to my door.
I’d like to play with a horseshoe crab.
My dating life has been in shambles. Utter shambles I tell you. However, my sex life has never been better! I swear to Eliott Spitzer that when my relationships are bad, my super duper anonymous no strings attached sex life is great. Sadly, I want the strings damnit! Is that too muh to ask? HUH? I want to be attached mumsy! I want to be handcuffed and spanked .... ahem.
No but seriously.
I am blogging again isn’t that great?
Is it wrong that this Easter I went easter egg hunting and found them up my dates ass? He thought they were anal beads. It was kinda hot. His anus is now rainbow colored from the dyes.Now that’s Gay Pride! Lucky for me he was hung..... like Jesus... get it? Easter? Jesus? cue rim shot.
My titties itch. Let’s hope it’s not another 10 months before I blog again.
About Me
Name::Dallas DYSfunction
From::Dallas, Texas, United States
I was born the son of a poor black share cropper and the bearded lady from the circus. I lived in my own imaginary world until the age of 18 and I wish I could go back. I'm gay and dating a one armed midget who has 6 toes on one foot and 3 toes on his right hand. They had to surgically add them after he lost his fingers due to an unfortunate preaching accident at the Church of the Divine Mole Rat. My Mother just recently had her fourth nipple removed. My Dad hasn't done anything since he copulated with mom. We are hoping he'll eventually get back up to speed. We'll actually Mom's hoping he will and I am too, since I had to buy her that Hemi-powered vibrator for her birthday. I live in brand spanking new refrigerator box under the overpass of I45. It’s tres nice. It has a view of the rest of the boxes and even a little drainage ditch that takes all the sewage away. No more turd hopping for me. I have a new set of wheels now and it’s a hot looking number with blue accents. I hope Wal-Mart won't miss it. It holds everything I need including my child. I am a freak.
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